So fix your eyes and get up.............

As I sit here on this not so cold december night, I find myself thinking of the way things used to be. The people I've known, the things I've done, the places I've been. And I wonder, is this how it was meant to be for me?

I rarely ever write in complete sentences, but somehow tonight it's fitting. Usually, my mind thinks in fragments, the things in which are a literary genusis's worst nightmare. But tonight, my thoughts are fluid, moving smoothly and constantly across my mind. It's a change in the way I generally go about things, but somehow, tonight it works.

As I am getting ready to move yet again, I can't help but feel an all consuming sadness. It just now has hit me, it's all changing again.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time change can be a good thing. But what happens when it occurs at a point when you have not a clue. No clue about what I'm doing, no clue about who I am, no clue about any of it at all.

I have began thinking about where I've come from, the people I've left and the people who left me long before I even had the chance to go. The people who I left behind. The people who ran ahead. I wonder, where are they now, what are they doing. If things had been different, would they still be there? Would I?

Then I think about my future and where it is going. Some people have a pretty good plan. Others have an idea. I have a black and empty hole.

As I hear of the news that friends I used to know are now getting married, I can't help but wonder.......will that ever be me?

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have that one person you will share the rest of your life with. That person who can help make your success's sweeter and your failures not so hard. But most of the time I just don't think thats in the cards for me. As if somehow, if there were someone, it would be my luck we'd miss one another by a minute or two.



I want to believe that it will all be okay, but I'm lost on luck and even more lost in love.