My eyes are blurred and bloodshot.......

I don't think I've ever cried so much in a two day period.

What in the world am I doing here?

The chain of events that led me here keep running through my mind as if on a perpetual repeat that I don't know how to turn off. Someone make it stop.

I thought this was what I needed, some time away, some time alone. But I've been here less than a week and already I'm finding that I apparently don't do well on my own. There are always times in our lives where we feel alone or may be by ourselves for a brief period of time. But never has there been a time in my life where I have truely felt lonely......at least not up until now. It is a truely sobering thing to come to a place and know no one. I don't know what I thought it'd be like but this certainly isn't it.

In my mind I painted a picture of new adventures in a foreign land where I would meet new people and have fun times. I can see now that my picture is somewhat askew.

So now, I'm stuck here, bound for the next 14 weeks, not able to leave, not able to fix this mess that I've once again made. Not really feeling like I can do anything at all.

I don't want to tell anyone back home about the current state of things. It'll only make them worried. I'd rather be miserable and not tell them so as not to make them worry. I'm kinda funny that way.

This is really my only outlet. It's the one thing no one really knows about and I have no intentions of telling them. This is between the internet and me. I hope you can keep a secret.
Please send me a friend.