Jumping from this sinking ship............

The excitement is building.
Can you feel it?

Family coming in town today.
Thanksgiving day at Disneyland.
What better way to spend a holiday?

I'll be taking my pirate ship to Neverland.
Want to come along?


Lets play hide and seek.

Come find me.


I dare you............

I rock too fast for love, I'm footloose in my velcro shoes.........

I'm falling, falling, falling fast.
It's a feeling I can't control, or maybe I just don't want to.
We've tried this before, lets not do it again.
Because after all, we know how it's going to end.

Wishing for something, trying so hard.
Really, tell me, is this time the time for real.
I did't see it coming , yet somehow I knew.
It always has been, always will be, it can't ever be you.

Needing to get away, a safe place to hide.
Just sometime to gather my thoughts, to think it all through.
I thought I knew what I needed, what I wanted.
And yet I continue to find myself haunted.

By the thoughts that creep in, ever so softly, invading my mind.
Thinking this could be it, you could be the one.
But then reality sets in and I remeber all we've been through
And I realize, I can't do this again, not with you.

So go away, without a fight.
Let me let this go.

I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.......

There is a thick, heavy fog out tonight.

Kinda the same as in my head.







I am an idiot.

Stop by this disaster town.........

I always really like it here.
It feels like the only place I can really be me.
To let out all the thoughts, the feelings, the randomness that often times is me.

I don't really know what it is about the present state of things, but they have found me in a place I rarely ever see. A place that I can't name, locate or even completely describe. It is as familiar to me as it is strange. As far away as it is home. Maybe it's just the place I need to be.

My moods swing more than any revolving door.

I just need some time to figure it all out.

If I only knew where to begin.





A run down of the week, in case you care.
Work, work, blah and bleh.
Friday turns it all around.
A little reaction with some old friends.


I wake up and I feel alone. I was just asleep.

Right where I belong.


Surprise me.

Just as figment of my imagination, as far as anyone could see...........

It's kind of ironic that my name means "someone who deserves to be loved."

Because the more I think about it, the more I'm convinved that there is something intrinsicly wrong with me that keeps me from being loved. At least the way I want to be loved.

Maybe it's the wall I've built. Only it's not really a wall, but more of a facade.

I need some one who can break it down, see past the front I've mastered all these years.

Maybe I'm just wishfully thinking. Wanting to believe in the white knight, prince charming.

But you know what they say about believing..........

the best part is the lie.


Which is all any of it really is.


Where is the one who will make me be(lieve) 'happily ever after'?