"Last years wishes are this years apologies............"

I've been in really weird moods lately.
One day up.
Two days down.

I've been thinking alot lately about last year....
and the year before that.
About the people who were in my life then
and who are not now.

Really, one person in particular.

I have mixed feelings about it all.
From beginning to end.
The good times, the bad.
The secrets and lies.
The way it all went.

I think about what if I had stayed.
Not come here.
The people I would have never known.

Really, one person in particular.

And I wonder how it will all go..........



Only time wil tell I suppose.
I'll let you know how it goes.

you must always know how long to stay and when to go...........

i thought things would be better when i got back.
but i have come to find they are not.
i'm more homesick now than ever.
or maybe i'm just missing someone.

either way it's no fun and needs to cease.


i've decieded that if my life were a song it would most definantly be my heart is the worst kind of weapon.


the name says it all.




imissyoumost

"If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start..........."

There once was a boy.
There once was a girl.
Both of which lived in completely separate worlds.
Completely alike in every single way.
What they didn't quite know yet is that someday,
their lives would intertwine, their worlds would collide
from that moment on they would never leave one anothers side.
A perfect pair destined before time,
meant to be together for a lifetime.
Suited to compliment each other in ever single way,
there was no doubt about it, this was the way
it was meant to be, this love they had for each other,
they both knew there could be no other.


icantwaittomeetyouicantwaittomeetyouicantwaittomeetyouicantwaittomeetyouicantwaittomeetyou

Love will come through, it's just waiting on you...........

Sometimes I want to believe this. To believe IN this.
But most of the time my heart won't let me.

How is it that no matter what you always seem to get to me.
Even when I make it so you can't.

I guess that it just wasn't meant to be,
like ships passing in the night.
Crossing paths for a brief moment,
then gone like it never happened.

I find my self thinking if there was something I could done or said or something.
But most of the time it hurts my heart too much to think of the things that could have been.
To think of what we could have been.
To wonder about what should have been.

This is not to say I'm giving up on you.
That I never will.
It's just me taking a rest, hanging this up for awhile.

Maybe one day I'll come back and try again.
I still want to believe in love and all the wonderful things meant for me with it.

But as I think of all this and of you, I know that it was not all in vain.
You had my heart.
Maybe you still do.
And for awhile there was no one else on this planet who made me happier than you.

Take care of yourself.
Don't be too careless with that heart that you still hold.
Please, one day, bring it safely back to me.

Baby's black balloon makes her fly...............

Everything of the past few days has just been all wrong.
Apparently the universe hates me right now for some unknown reason.
I really thought this year was going to be different, better.
But if this is the way its gonna be, lets just skip ahead to next.

I just can't seem to get happy lately, to feel okay.
I thought a trip to the big city with some old friends would help, but that plan has been destroyed by the killer of dreams known as work.
Guess it just wasnt' meant to be.
I could say the same about a few other things, including but not limited to you and me.


Gonna bury my head in my pillow.
Restless nights followed by sleepless days.
Need to find a better way................


fixmeinfourtyfive

I'm hopelessly hopeful...........

Eeeeppp!

Five days until NYC and I can't wait. Get to see some friends I haven't seen in a while and get to see some other people I don't ever mind seeing.

Too bad I haven't figured out where I'm staying. ......better get on that or else you might just see this girl sleeping in the park. Any suggestions as to an unscarry, cheap place to stay would be mighty helpful......if you know of any, please pass along.

I really should be asleep seeing as how I have to work super early. But sleep alludes me these days, I can't seem to catch any at all.

Really, I'm just rambling from boredom..........



ifyouwantleavelove

I don't want to be a maybe, baby let me drive you crazy...............

i want me on your mind

I could swear I'm sleeping less and less.............

The smiles are just a cover, a charade, a facade.
The laughs hold back tears from falling at inappropriate times.
But when the lights are gone and the people fade, what's left of you is there.
What do you have left? Where does your mind go,
why is your heart torn and broken and how can you ignore?
All of the deception, the half truths and whole lies.
Is this really it for you, is that the dream come true?
It's not all you thought it would be, but somehow it is,
all that you expected and wanted to live.
Now that you have it was it worth what you've been through?
Was all of this really worth the giving up of you?






the thoughts in my head are all consuming



youdontknowmeyoudontevencare

I am a total wreck..............

Why am I so easily pursuaded and so quick to do things without really thinking them or their consequesnce through.

I suppose I can blame last night for that. And my three goofball friends.

Because as of now, in eight days, I head to the city that never sleeps.

That's right folks, someone just booked herself for NYC.


Shit.

I'm leaving on a jet plane........

Two days til take off and I'm a little relieved.
Don't get me wrong. I loved the visit, but it's gone on a little too long.
Thursday puts me back in the surf and sun.

Looking forward to the new place and a renewed spirit.

Most of all I'm looking forward to friday and seeing some of my most favorite people in the world.

It all goes down at the grove. We're gonna dance, dance all night long.

Can't wait to see you all.