Everyone's a let down, it just depends on how far down they can go........

Apparently, the only thing I've been quite good at lately is pissing people off. Which, you know, is completely fucking awesome.

So, as to not alienate myself further from every person I know, and even those I don't, I've decided to just not care anymore.

Makes sense huh?

It does to me.

If I don't care any more, than it won't bother me so much that everyone is mad and pissy.

So, get in line, you're not the only one who wants to yell, hit or even disown me. And just so you know, it might be awhile until you get your turn.



icantwaittoleaveicantwaittoleaveicantwaittoleaveicantwaittoleaveicantwait

Thursay can't come fast enough.
Friday needs to be here even sooner.

imsureillbeseeingyousoon

How's it gonna be, when you don't know me anymore........

sometimes i wonder, if one day i just dissapeared:
would andyone notice?
would anyone care?

at this moment in time, at this very second, i'm inclined to say the answer to these questions is no.


"wish i was as invisible as you make me feel............."


working at being a houdini, though i don't feel i need to try very hard.


i've already been erased from their lives.

One day you'll get sick of saying that everythings all right..........

It's christmas as usual in this part of town.

New Year's will be just the same.

How is it that the only thing I can count on you to do is let me down?



Thank heavens for Chicago and King Tut...........
Only 3 days to wait.


here's to peace, love and brokenhearts

It's the only thing I want this year..........

Being home is, in all honesty, weird.
It seems as if the only thing that's changed is me.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
Even worse, I'm not sure this is where I belong any more.


I miss the west coast much more than I ever could have imagined.

I seem to miss you even more.



Heading to Chicago soon. I need to escape the 70 degree weather somehow and there seems the perfect fit.

It always has been in the past.

Looking forward to the coldness there.

Maybe I'll see some familiar faces.








No longer am I going to live my life to please other people.
Goal number one for the new year

Who else is with me?

So fix your eyes and get up.............

As I sit here on this not so cold december night, I find myself thinking of the way things used to be. The people I've known, the things I've done, the places I've been. And I wonder, is this how it was meant to be for me?

I rarely ever write in complete sentences, but somehow tonight it's fitting. Usually, my mind thinks in fragments, the things in which are a literary genusis's worst nightmare. But tonight, my thoughts are fluid, moving smoothly and constantly across my mind. It's a change in the way I generally go about things, but somehow, tonight it works.

As I am getting ready to move yet again, I can't help but feel an all consuming sadness. It just now has hit me, it's all changing again.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time change can be a good thing. But what happens when it occurs at a point when you have not a clue. No clue about what I'm doing, no clue about who I am, no clue about any of it at all.

I have began thinking about where I've come from, the people I've left and the people who left me long before I even had the chance to go. The people who I left behind. The people who ran ahead. I wonder, where are they now, what are they doing. If things had been different, would they still be there? Would I?

Then I think about my future and where it is going. Some people have a pretty good plan. Others have an idea. I have a black and empty hole.

As I hear of the news that friends I used to know are now getting married, I can't help but wonder.......will that ever be me?

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have that one person you will share the rest of your life with. That person who can help make your success's sweeter and your failures not so hard. But most of the time I just don't think thats in the cards for me. As if somehow, if there were someone, it would be my luck we'd miss one another by a minute or two.



I want to believe that it will all be okay, but I'm lost on luck and even more lost in love.

If we're keeping score.......

You were there and I wasn't.

I was there and you weren't.

Let's not be parallel lines.







Tag.


You're it............

My mind's unweaving, maybe it's best you leave me alone.......

Sometimes I feel as if I am leading 2 separate lives. Like a secret agent or super hero. Although my lives are not quite as dramatic or desired.

On one hand I have my life here. Friends, good times and memories.

Then I have the same thing back east. Friends, family, and my entire life up until now.

It's as if I'm 2 different people. Which one I am depends on my geographic location.

As I prepare to go back to my home, the place where I grew up, I can't help but wonder. Do I still belong there? Or do I belong here?

Some people say home is where your heart is.
But what if you heart is broken and scattered.
I feel as if mine is.

Someone show me what to do.


Give me a reason to stay.


Or a reason to go.